sigh: finals

fuck you finals,
fuck you.

sigh: far away

there isn't anything more I would like
than to have you far away

to have no same wind touch our bodies
to have no same air chill our souls
to have no same thought ruin our hearts

there isn't anything more I would like
than to have you far away

sigh: keep

trying to keep still
but my hands keep shaking.
like i'm fucking two years old
counting numbers and losing track.
like i'm fucking fifteen years old
pressing keys like I give a shit.
like i'm fucking twenty years old
holding your hand.
and now.
hands keep shaking.
keep me.
from dying.

sigh: fuck

fuck.

sigh: cigarette

its dark.

the way our cigarettes light up the room.

its cold.

and snowy, the ashes that pile up.

Reminds me of the winter.

  

its love.

the way you hold on.

and wait til' the very end.

put it out.

sigh: a dove

shadows stuck against a crumbling wall
only because it was once so bright
to shine upon my feeble soul
burnt the stitches she had sewn every night

into shadows against my broken heart
I beg of you to ease your hand
to renounce your greatest work of art
to abandon what you cannot understand

that loves greatest weakness is my own
that your sealed lips speak no love
to leave its cage and to have flown
and to land in hell, a dove.

for peace reigns fair
in all that is good
for peace wouldn't dare
ruin what it should

sigh: effort

the silhouette of a mountain
like a drawing in the sky
with crayons the color of sunrise
from the seat of my bicycle
with the wind in my hair
and tears in my eyes
i move my legs
my body
my mind
and my soul
all for nothing.

smile: love is

love is:

to hope when we're together
and to dream when we're apart

to walk when we're close
and to run when we're far

to sing when we're sad
and to cry when we're happy

to forget when we give
and to remember when we take

to be honest when it hurts
and to care when it kills

to treasure when its given
and to give when its yours

to know when to ask
and to know when its love

smile: listen

Here I am, only fifty feet above the ground, but on top of the world.  The sea salt dances with the air and the smell causes my childhood to come crashing down on the shores of my memory.  I gaze off towards the horizon and smile as the ocean hugs a blushing sky.  What a beautiful romance.  A warm breeze that hums a melody finds my ears and whispers that spring is on the way.  And then there is George.

I wonder if George notices that he is standing right next to me; I can feel his body heat.  I am wearing my usual outfit – a wife beater with basketball shorts.  George is wearing his Sunday best.  His yellow checkered shirt is neatly tucked into his brown dress pants.  And his tie is a soft blue that seems like it was dipped into the ocean.

George knows he is standing next to someone because he begins to talk:

“I used to come here every day.”

“We would make bonfires right there on the beach”, he points to a spot on the shore beyond the no trespassing sign.

I wonder how long George is going to talk.  I watch his wrinkled face while he tells me stories and I notice that his eyes close whenever he smiles.  He must be remembering his childhood.  George is old, and he said this might be his last visits to the beach – to his childhood.

“Thank you for listening” George smiles, but this time he keeps his eyes open so he can look at my face.

An hour has gone by since we first started talking and I hear George’s footsteps slowly fade as he makes his way down the spiral staircase.  I’d like to imagine that his smiles today were the same smiles he wore as a child.  And it’s too late now, but I wanted to tell him about my own adventures.  The adventure I was on right then and there, but I never opened my mouth.  It was George’s turn to talk, and it was my turn to listen.

Thank you George.  To heal, to learn, and to love is to listen.  

sigh: resonate

sometimes i hate life.
what an erratic symphony.
its melody ambiguous.
its pauses unnecessary.
its harmony selfish.
the notes stumble off the page
the chords scream at my face.
it only knows how to hate.
how to take.
and yet I resonate.
this is my key.
this is my melody.
this is my love.

George Lewes:

"we are not judicious in love; we do not select those whom we ought to love, but those whom we cannot help loving."

smile: lets

lets feel the grass between our toes.

running, running racing clouds

lets find the sunset that kisses our cheeks

waiting, waiting wishing together

lets catch the moonlight with our bodies
swinging, swinging sharing hands

lets watch the stars with our eyes

crying, crying counting tears

lets travel the world with our feet

walking, walking, willing forever

lets fall in love with our hearts

beating, beating blooming life.

rant: flour

pizza flour why do you elude me so?

me, that is poor and starving.

How Ive looked for you!

my efforts spoiled like my appetite.

Homeless lest you should grace my home.

devour my hunger and free my soul,

but have mercy upon my riches.

for you have squandered me once.

and left me with naught but rags to clean.

and so clean I will

but with my hunger I shall scream:

SHOW YOURSELF, GOD DAMN IT!

smile: make me four letters

to meet you

makes me laugh

to hear you

makes me silent

to know you

makes me cry.

to miss you
makes me hope.
to love you
makes me smile.
to want you
makes me sad.
to need you
makes me wait.
to have you
makes me.

sigh: still

my mind, cluttered like the post its on my desk
scratched out and pointless, but still sticky

and my thoughts, buzzing from the caffeine in my cup
stale, but still a rush

and my shadow, weary like the moon
flickering, but still dark

and my heart, young like a child
beating, but still broken

and life
still.

sigh: snowflakes in the spring

I never knew you
Your hands are warm like sunshine against my cheeks
Your eyes are fragile like snowflakes in the spring
Your smiles like the nectar to my buzzing heart
And like busy bees we move from flower to flower
I wish we stayed here
In these sundrenched flowers
Here in a yellow moon
in a yellow field of flowers
The yellow sun that shines so bright, bright, bright
and then it fades away, away.

smile: haiku

your sunshine smiles
wipe away the raindrop tears
in my cloudy eyes

sigh: the F words

friendship is fickle
and family, far.

faces a facade
and facts, forgettable.

flowers are fancy
and fun, feeble.

freedom, a fairy tale
and our future, fucked.

smile: haiku

Piano black and white
what colorful sounds you play
keep painting my ears

sigh: the waltz

and as the one, two, three begins to play
you and me, hand in hand begin to sway

your dress dances with my broken heart
and my shadow becomes your work of art

would you meet me in the dark without the stars above
and would you believe me if I told you that I was in love?

is this lake shallow enough for us to stand?
and if I asked you to dance, would you take my hand?

I wish that the nights would never end
because it takes a lifetime for heartbreak to mend.

but hand in hand and two smiles strong
maybe it wouldn't take so very long.

I'd ask, but you're never here and always there
so I only hope that my feelings are ones we share.

that if the heavens above forget I exist
you do the same, so I won't ever be missed.

Because this feeling of me, myself, and only I
are mine to be kept until I too slowly die.

And this is the waltz that you and I dance
if only you saw my heart when you once did glance.

sigh: dead or alive

I can't help but feel the chill of the wind swallow me whole.
It shatters my core and leaves blisters in the body.
I don't bleed because my heart doesn't dare beat,
but instead, I cry and I cry and I cry.
The tears are endless and I'd like to think they'll stop,
but a lifetime of tears are hiding in the cracks of my heart.
these feelings won't go away long after you've gone.
and from heartbreak I've mended, but from you I haven't.
there is no heart to be broken.
you make it rain and you make shine.
you make it life and you make it death.
but I am not wanted dead or alive, am I?
I live in the shadows of the heavens above.
And as the wind pushes the heavens forward,
my tears drown me into the hell I've created.
And as you walk through the pearly gates,
I find myself homeless in the fires of hell.
I still smile though.
because you're in heaven.
And I cry because I am not there.
with you.
I am nowhere to you.
not even in hell.

smile: Color Blind

Your mind is bright and your soul white.
Your eyes are black and your smiles grey.
Life tried to draw in between your lines,
But like a child too eager she covers the page;
Your life is drenched with color that I swear I can see.
Your smile the color of happiness.
Your laughter the color of love.
Nothing so beautiful can be black and white.
And you –
Well I wish you were the color of my Heart.

sigh: pain

pain is the warmth of your voice.
so soothing it melts away the ice.
inside my heart that refuses to stop.
beating my heart black and blue.

sigh: 2011

twenty eleven
numbers come and numbers go.
my will is shattered